Having the courage and confidence to be different

Written By Rachel Ann

Pretty much on a daily basis, I'm reminded of something I first learned in elementary school and never shook off. As a Christian BIWOC who was born and raised in a primarily white town, that doesn’t sound super surprising to hear that’s how I felt. But to be honest, I felt that sense of difference and loneliness even in my communities too - and believe it or not, that’s the case for a lot of us humans….in the communities we’re supposed to feel comfortable and safe in, we just don’t. So we blame ourselves and try to change ourselves into fitting in, until we wake up in our 30’s and realize we don’t know who we really are or our hobbies or what brings us joy. 😅

So I’d like to propose a third option, which is never to late to implement: having the courage and confidence to be different.

Confidence is not arrogance or pride

Before we dive in, it’s worth debunking this myth that’s common in Christian and immigrant communities which is that you’re supposed to be quiet and humble forever and you’re not supposed to be confident, because that means you’re trusting yourself more than God and you’re trying to get attention. Now I think pride and arrogance are things to steer away from, but being confident isn’t sinful or unhealthy. Here’s the difference:

Confidence says:

I can indeed do all things through Christ who strengthens me!

God says I’m fearfully and wonderfully made, so I can use my skills and talents in this world.

I’m grateful God has healed me! I will thank Him and live life fully as He intended for me.

Arrogance and pride says:

I’m able to be successful on my own and get all the credit.

There’s nothing I cannot do because I have an image to uphold, so I’ll be the best.

I only deserve good things to happen to me because I’m royalty.

Notice the difference? Confidence acknowledges God as the source of all good things in you and your life, which propels you to do good in the world. Arrogance and pride keeps us busy trying to look good for others and taking all the credit. Confidence has aspects of humility and appreciation, which are healthy and godly characteristics. Arrogance and pride has aspects of self-serving, self-centeredness, and haughtiness.

Have a growth mindset

One way to boost your confidence is to go from a fixed a mindset to a growth mindset. A person with a fixed mindset believes that intelligence, skills, and other qualities are innate and unchangeable. If you're not good at something, you typically think you will never be good at it and that’s that. On the other side, we have a growth mindset that believes intelligence, skills, and other awesome things are changeable and able to be learned. It says “I’m not good at self-care yet, so I’ll keep trying” instead of “I’m never going to be good self-care” or even worse, saying “self-care is a dumb waste of time, so it’s fine that I’m not good at it”.

A little caveat here is for people like who are neurodivergent. Some of us neurodivergent folks have real limitations based on our brain operates. So a growth mindset isn’t supposed to be pressure to change something that is truly innate. It’s meant to highlight things that seem innate but actually aren’t and give us the motivation to try.

I’ll also say this - I know having a growth mindset sounds silly and maybe even a little cheesy, but it works. And spoiler alert: a lot of things in life that are godly and healthy are the cheesy ones!

Practice non-capitalistic self-care

Self-care, like many other great wellness things, has been colonized and rebranded for big businesses to make more money, so allow me to debunk it - self-care is anything that you do for yourself that is healthy, caring, and meeting your needs. It can look as expensive as a luxury vacation to the Maldives, but it can also look like practicing gratitude, painting your nails, or incorporating daily movement into your everyday life.

When you practice self-care, a few awesome things happen:

That’s why the simple act of napping, for example, is so revolutionary. You’re not just sleeping for a few minutes; you’re budgeting time for yourself, addressing your needs, and feeling healthier as a result of all that.

Believe people worth believing

I’m just gonna say it…we tend to listen to people who we shouldn’t be listening to. While your auntie who bakes the best cookies may mean well or the super cute couple on YouTube looks like they have a perfect life, we tend to listen to people like them over wise counsel and trusted people. So this may be a good time to examine who your influences are - what friends speak to you honestly and lovingly? Do you have a mentor to help you meet new career goals? Is your partner modeling the type of love that Jesus talks about?

Many times we listen to people we think we’re supposed to listen to (family, our bff since 3rd grade, our pastor, etc.) instead of doing our own due diligence to assess who’s around us and how they’re impacting us. Just because they’ve been in your life since childhood or they have an important title doesn’t mean they’re worth believing.

I'll leave you with this affirmation to help your process and unpack these deep questions:

I cherish and appreciate who God created me to be. 

This allows me to see my growth areas and feel encouraged

as I learn and blossom into the woman God called me to be.

Need more support? Lemme help you sis:

Rachel Ann
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