Boundaries are your friend, not the people who break them

Written By Rachel Ann

Boundaries are your friend. We may not have grown up believing that or seeing people use them, but they are indeed your friend. And, if they’re holy, healthy, and used well, they’ll allow you (and others) to flourish. 

People are surprised when I say that. They think having no boundaries with their work is the answer, so that they'll get the next promotion, be respected more in their communities, feel a sense of purpose that's tangible, and have a higher sense of financial security. Or that always saying “yes” to other people is the way to go. By over-serving others, pushing down our own thoughts and agendas, and making the lives of people around us easier…aren't we doing God's will? Isn't that what it means to love your neighbor as yourself?

The answer is probably not. I say probably because the social scientist in me knows that outliers exist and the Christian in me knows that the Holy Spirit moves in many ways, some of which make no sense to us sometimes. 

So I suppose the real answer is to pray about it. That sounds broad and potentially spiritual bypassing-ish so let me break it down a bit more.

Boundaries allow you to experience God more

You place boundaries around things worth protecting like time, money, energy, your body, etc. One of those things is your time with God. Because spending time with God important to you, you'll protect time in your calendar to guard your devotional time. We think it’s weird to put our devotional time in our calendars, like it’s a sign that we don’t care enough about God so we need to plan ahead of time like everything else. I challenge you to think of it differently though - because you value your time with God, you want to protect it and make sure it has it’s place in the day. So putting it in your schedule allows you to do that - to keep your commitment in spending time with Him.

Pray for God to increase your desire and motivation to spend time with Him.
 

Boundaries boost your confidence

Placing boundaries around things that are important to you will help you to feel better about yourself! Boundaries say “this value I have is worth protecting because I'm valuable”. It's empowering to decide what's important to you, sharing that with others, and enjoying the fruit of setting that boundary. Boundaries say “I will decide instead of letting others decide for me". While you still listen to wise counsel and do you research, at the end of the day it’s you that decides and that’s incredible!

Pray for courage and insight about what boundaries to set and the words to share with others.
 

Boundaries give you integrity

When you set boundaries, your 'yes' will truly be yes and your 'no' will truly be no. That allows people to trust you more since they know you're a woman of your word! They'll feel comfortable asking you for support, respecting your time, and trusting your advice. You're someone who honors their commitments, since you're able to say 'yes' or 'no' with confidence, knowing that the boundary you're protecting is valuable and worth it. Now I’ll be honest, this can be hard especially for us recovering people pleasers. So take time to pray and seek wise counsel about why this is tough for you.

Pray for wisdom and discernment about your decision-making process in saying yes or no.

My hope for you is that you see how boundaries are truly revolutionary, healthy, and holy. Are they hard to set? Yes. Are they hard to maintain? Yes. But does it get easier with time and support? Yes! And you’ll see how it’s all worth it because you’re worth it, sis.✨

Need more support? Lemme help you sis:

Rachel Ann
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