What anxiety is, isn’t, and how to deal with it

Written By Rachel Ann

Anxiety is no joke. It can make simple tasks really difficult, it can fill your brain with heavy thoughts, and make concentrating really hard. As a nerdy psychotherapist-turned-life-coach, I’m curious about how Covid, continued injustices, and regular daily events have impacted our anxiety. From the conversations with my clients to my friends, I’ve found this to be the case so far - more worries that are harder to break free from.

What is anxiety?

Anxiety and worrying are similar but different. If you’ve been here for a minute, then you know I really care about words. Why? Because they matter! Why do they matter? Because when we’re accurate with our words in describing what we’re feeling or thinking, we’re more likely to get support that actually works. And guess what? You deserve support that actually works!

Yay!

So let’s start off here - based on the DSM, the handbook used by healthcare professionals to understand and classify mental health concerns, anxiety is: “...excessive worry and apprehensive expectations, occurring more days than not, for at least 6 months, about a number of events or activities, such as work or school performance.” It goes on to say how it impacts one’s daily life and some symptoms, like “restlessness or feeling keyed up or on edge, easily fatigued, difficulty concentrating or mind going blank, irritability, muscle tension, sleep disturbance...”

In a nutshell, anxiety is excessively worrying for a long period of time, most days, and impacts different areas of your life.

So that’s anxiety. How is that different than just regular worrying?

Worry is:

  • Feeling nervous about an exam right before the exam

  • Feeling concerned before a performance review

Anxiety is:

  • Feeling nervous about an exam right before the exam, thinking about how your future depends on this exam, and figuring out back up plans if you fail the test and need to change careers…therefore, you’re unable to sleep

  • Feeling nervous before a performance review, thinking about how the future of your family depends on this review and planning different conversations with your partner to discuss your failed review…therefore you’re unable to eat the day of the review

Worrying is good - it signals to your body that something serious is about to go down, and you need to prepare for it. It means you’re aware of how serious the situation is and your body is getting ready to deploy whatever needed to protect and enable you to move forward. Anxiety is debilitating - it overwhelms you and causes unhealthy changes to other parts of your daily functioning and life, and usually ends up planning for worst case scenarios that haven’t happened.

So now that we know what it is and isn’t, let’s talk about what you can do about anxious thoughts and feelings.

Think about what someone else would do

Do you know someone who just doesn’t get anxious? Like at the restaurant, they know exactly what they want without spending 20 mins stewing over the menu, thinking about having FOMO if they don’t get the ‘limited time’ food special when they really want their usual, standard burger and fries? Think about that friend. Imagine how they would respond in the situation you’re in and thinking through that - what would they be thinking? How could they easily think that? How are they confident in their order? How do they trust themselves to make the right decision? (Bonus tip: call them and ask them how they’d deal with the situation).

Thinking about how someone without anxiety would feel or think in a particular situation is helpful because it puts yourself in someone else's shoes, and helps you learn different ways to approach your situation. 

Write it out then throw it away

Journaling is helpful for so many reasons, one of them being it gets your thoughts outside your head. That in itself is helpful already! When we’re anxious, it can be hard to remember that there’s a whole world out there, filled with possibilities and different scenarios.

Now, instead of writing it out and putting it away, try taking it up a notch and throw it away. Write down your anxious thought, crumble it up, and throw it in the garbage. Don’t look for proper grammar or spelling, don’t review it to make sure it’s neat, just write it and throw it away.

Writing it out and throwing it away is a visual representation of your mind getting the information out and disposing of it. It works wonders!

Dance it out

Anxiety, like other emotions, can take up a lot of space in your mind and body. Sometimes letting it out is the perfect way to release the anxiety! Every time you move your body, you’re releasing the pent up energy inside. So things like dancing, working out, or stretching are so helpful to relieve the tension.

Does it make the anxious thing disappear? No, but it does relieve the stress in your mind and body, so you’re more likely to deal with the stressor from a healthy mindset. And that, my friend, is the way we want to approach stressful things - from a clear, healthy mindset versus a stressed out, jumbled one.

These are a few of my favorite anxiety busters. Anxiety is good at tricking us into believing that things will always get worse and the thinking spiral will never end. These are just some ways to break the anxiety spiral and give you that peace, because things won’t always get worse and the thinking spiral will indeed end. Remember, you deserve holistic peace and you can make it happen. :)

Need more support? Lemme help you sis:

Rachel Ann
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