Why letting go isn’t always the best option

Written By Rachel Ann

Ever been in a situation where you don’t know how to move forward - do you push forward? Let it go? Compromise for the hundredth time ?

After all, anything worth having takes work and you want credit for sticking it out, right?

I know, it’s hard to think about. *hug*

There’s no class in school about this or a blanket rule, so if you’re constantly confused, please know you’re not alone. One of the toughest things we deal with is learning when to keep pressing forward, when to adjust or compromise, and when to let go. Especially us empaths who can understand why people do the things they do, or those of us who learned to move everything around to accommodate others, the process of navigating difficult relationships is heart-wrenching and terrifying. 

But before moving forward, I gotta say this caveat: in this article, I’m not referring to situations where abuse, harm, or other actions compromising safety have occurred. Here’s one blanket rule - if abuse has occurred or safety has been breached, leave the situation immediately. You can find more information on that here.

With that said, let’s break this down a little bit.

Moving forward is easy when we know it’s going to get better

For the person who is committed to sticking things out, this is for you - we can ‘stick it out’ if we know there’s an end point to the misery or the desired outcome is likely to happen. For example, I knew the hours of studying and paper writing in graduate school would lead to a degree. If you’ve been around here for a little bit, then you know that if you continue journaling, you’ll boost your self-awareness.

What we don’t know is if establishing and maintaining a boundary will actually stick, if the person will be respectful and receive it, or if it’ll end up in another explosive argument.

And when we don’t know the outcome of something, we simply don’t do it. Even if there’s a possibility of our lives getting better by taking a risk and initiating that tough conversation, we think about all the ways it’ll go wrong even more. And then we don’t do it.

Or if we’ve been burned in the past by someone who said they loved us but didn’t listen to us, we’ll have a hard time believing that our words matter.

If we look at the world around us, which seems to have more and more chaos per day, we won’t think that we can make a difference.

The hard thoughts are real y’all, but don’t stop at there!

Compromise is key…until they misuse it.

On another side, there’s compromise. It’s great to accommodate for something where both of you win. It’s not great to have a relationship that becomes one person constantly compromising for the other person or the other person is only happy when there’s a compromise. 

Compromising is great when:

  • Everyone involved in listening with the intent to understand, not to defend

  • People’s needs are actually being met, even if it looks different than they imagined

  • It’s a shared responsibility and everyone takes a turn to compromise

Compromising is not great when:

  • One person is always comprising, which ends in resentment

  • Someone only feels fulfilled when they compromise for or please others

  • One person expects others to always compromise for them

  • Everyone compromises and everyone is still miserable

That’s where compromise becomes unhealthy and we begin to think - do we stay in this dynamic? Do we speak up? Or do we come to the conclusion that this will never change, so we need to let it go?

Let go, knowing you tried everything

That’s the secret y’all. If you did everything imaginable to better the situation and it’s still not getting better, then you may want to think about letting go. 

Doing everything imaginable means:

  • Coaching/therapy for you AND them

  • Asking for support from peers

  • Seeking mentors who have experience in this area

  • Doing online research, reading books, and watching informative videos

  • Everyone working to make it better

Now, you may be thinking: I don’t have the energy to do all that or it’s not fair for me to try when they’re to blame.

Honestly, you’re probably right. But the goal isn’t to be right, the goal is to achieve that better outcome for everyone involved. So take some time to check your heart, what you actually want, and explore why you actually want it. Once you adjust your mindset to collaborating with them to make it work, including changing your budget or schedule, you’ll find that the positive outcome can indeed happen!

And, if not, then you know you tried all possibilities and you can let go without any resentment, wonder, or questions. That’s the way we wanna let it go and trust me, it’s possible.

Need more support? Lemme help you sis:

Rachel Ann
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